She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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