why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my shit smells like andre
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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