You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
