sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
