omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
