I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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