is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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