your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
