no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
