I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
