that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize