So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
