Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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