Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
