As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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