apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
