is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
