It's like God shit irony all over that family
false alarm. still invincible.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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