Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
