It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
