Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
