He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
