my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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