I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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