The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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