he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
