Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
