weddingsv make me drug and hornr
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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