I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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