Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
