Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
