She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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