Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
