she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
only you would photoshop your dick
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
