um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize