I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
