Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think your dad took our porno
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
