i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
