you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Houston, we have a blender
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize