she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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