you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
