My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
