Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
