I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
