You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
