Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
