Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize