I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
