I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize