well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
