Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
