i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
handjob tips. give me some.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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