Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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