Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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