Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
