I skipped work to stalk him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
