Welp...herpes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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