Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
