I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
