I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
