How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i now understand why vodka
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
