we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
