at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
