PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
