How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
