i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drunk is not a location!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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