We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
