apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm passing your future prison.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
