If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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