His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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