they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
