the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize