told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
