C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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