I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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