official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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